E3 – Game features normal girl, audience goes mental

By: Paul Millen

Published: June 5, 2012 Posted in: E3 2012
e3 2012 - 6

An unknown developer yesterday attempted to present their new title to a roused E3 audience. The game in question, the name of which no one paid any attention to, features an average looking female character with small breasts.

The presentation was halted after three minutes by howls of anger and confusion from the assembled audience, forcing the presenter to leave the stage amid a barrage of primal screeching, bits of food and semen.

The start of the trailer proved to be the beginning of the end for this developer’s time at E3.  An already restless audience tolerated 28 seconds of the video during which time the female lead said interesting things, failed to be objectified and never once wore a vest.

“How are we supposed to care about a character we can’t identify with?” said one typically statuesque, chisel-jawed gamer, “and what’s the point of telling a story about someone I don’t want to see have sex with something?”

Calm was only restored when Ubi graciously re-ran their Far Cry 3 trailer and the audience resumed wanking furiously into the headrests of the seats in front.

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Paul Millen