The Great Battle of Fantasy World – Blight of The Immortals – Part I

By: GamingDaily

Published: February 18, 2011 Posted in: Blight of the Immortals - The GD War, Game Reports

In which Waste_Manager (Craig Lager), Arsewisely (Paul Millen), Dick Puddings (Ed Fenning), Malrubius (Craig Lam), Zombiston Lurchill (Steven Croop), Ataree (Elliot Metson), Kutkh (Chris Thursten), and Dante (Tom Hatfield) attempt to rid the world of Zombies in Blight of The Immortals.

Part II is due later this week here, why not subscribe to our RSS feed or something to be notified when it’s live?

Day 1

Waste_Manager
“And so we begin. I am an Elf, King of the South – controller of Ents, Elves and a ragged band of Humans. Blight is on the Western horizon so my plan is to move fast and…persuade…any independent armies or towns close by to join my side. My plan is to play nice – this is a team game and we need to kill the blight together. I shall be Waste_Manager The Supporter, Waste_Manager The Helper, Waste_Manager Not A Bastard.

I have King Dante to the West focusing on Fey, King Kutkh to the North with his Dwarves, and Zombiston Lurchill to the North East. Kutkh quickly sends me a diplomatic gift of 10 green coins – why I don’t know but appreciated and I accept a trade offer with Arsewisely – a King of far off lands – only I’m immediately told after agreeing to the trade that I have no trade convoys left after sending out various bribes. I offer King Arsewisely 5 coins in interest for when I pay tomorrow, which he has no choice but to accept since he already sent over his part of the bargain. Day 1 and I’m already being Waste_Manager The Unhelpful

To create a web of towns out from my central hub – Silverbark Castle – I’m bribing the inhabiting armies to join me. I bribe humans, elves, orcs, and some goblins – taking their towns for continued income. Then, I send some humans West to liberate a tiny army of Gnomes (they are outnumbered 2-1 and they’re gnomes for christ sake) and some Elves north to capture the empty Dead Stag Hold which will allow me to recruit the double-move-speed Centaurs.

Or at least I did send some humans West to crush liberate some Gnomes. A couple of hours in and an army of 60 zombie centaurs is on its way to the Gnomes home which is far too close to my towns for my liking. Don’t you dare liberate those Gnomes you Zombie bastards! I’m liberating them! Pulling my humans back I send 100 Ents southwards to intercept the Zombies at the gnome village but it’s going to take a long 20 hours for them to make the trip (ents move at half speed) whereas the zombies will do it in 11 – at least then the Gnomes should take out one or two of the Zombies. Blood will be spilt. And the Gnomes look to be in for a tough time of double liberation.”

Arsewisely
“Day 1. Lord Arsewisely awoke suddenly and glanced at his magic cube of time. 6.50am? A night spent satisfying ten of the Kingdom’s most beautiful and filthy women would usually result in a long and restful slumber, even with his godlike physique and general high level of fitness.
Something was certainly amiss.
He freed himself from the heap of wenches and strode manfully towards the window. As that is the only way the great king knew how to stride.
“Make love to us again, oh please!” The awoken maidens mewed in near unison. But he could not hear them; his handsome brow was set in deep concentration, eyes fixed upon the horizon. He could see a great darkness moving towards the land.
“Page – to war! Hand me my battle trumpet! No, we’ll need the bigger one – it’s under the stairs.” His manful voice boomed.
“Yes, Sire. But please, put on some clothes or move off the balcony. You’re throwing the women of the city into hysterical fits of passion and the men into convulsions of insecurity and sexual doubt .”
“Very well”, responded the King, hauling himself into his breaches.


Notes from the desk of Lord Arsewisely:
I immediately instruct Lady Lightswake’s Enchantress Coven to march sound and take the rich market town of Market Town. My people are renowned for their creative naming. I then recruited General Smithsward’s Dwarf Battalion and ordered them south too to capture the strategically vital villiage Smallville and General Ironstalker’s dwarfs to capture Farmerville. More excellent naming, men. Well done.
Sargent Grizzleyboon’s army of men await reinforcements before moving to Archgate to destroy the wizards there and claim a new province.
Meanwhile, I generously bestow a 30 yellow coin gift to the pathetically thin Lord Waste Manager, who conveniently arses up his economic transactions and cannot pay me back. He sends a snivelling message saying he’ll pay me more tomorrow. We’ll see… Our mouths won’t be free of undead orc penis for long if my allies all prove this incompetent.
Further trading allowed the purchase of General Basherboon’s hobgoblin brigade.
Dick Puddings
“I join last, and get stuck with Goblins. No matter! With a name like Dick Puddings, nothing can go wrong.

It seems everybody has started moving, so I pretend to know what I’m doing and splash some blood and fire around, some of it actual coins. I upgrade my markets and buy a few neighbouring armies at extortionate prices. Taking a closer look I see everyone else tends to be charging at the weak recruitable armies, simply because they’re expensive to bribe and the land they’re on is precious to gain early on. As much as my last Iron Helmet game made it seem like I loved nothing more than butchering ersthwhile allies, I decide to hold back for one good reason.

ZOMBIES. FUCKING EVERYWHERE.

Here I see the true threat, that of the computer controlled zombie forces. There are a few solid clusters of big zombie armies, some which I’m wincing at the thought of taking on. The thing that shocked me though is how quickly they spawn smaller armies, and those armies begin to move to conquer more territories that’ll spawn more mini armies ad nauseum. That means that though land seems good, those mercenaries aren’t going to spawn more armies that can swarm you.

I’ve got to lock this down fast, and hope the others do so too. It means we might have to use…teamwork. On a team with infamous lovely feely team-player Craig Lager.

We’re fucked.”

Malrubius
“The Elder Goddess heard my prayers: finally, there is a threat to unite the kingdoms of Alundria. Our warring with the greenskins, the humans, and the southern elves will cease. Each night for the past ten moons, I have sacrificed the corpse of a drugged child at the foot of the corpse tree. Each night I have prayed for a menace. Tonight, if reports are correct, there is an undead host on the horizon.

I decided that quick expansion would be the best way to take advantage of the situation. I sent small squads of oafish Dwarves to Mason’s Keep and Ironwill Pass, while elegant Elven Hunters were sent to the Mustang Ruins, where Centaurs reportedly frolic, and Arrowstream, the town of my birth. A new tangle of Ents was raised in Oakfort to complement Elder Corpselore and they were sent to bring leafy justice to the 6 renegade Elves who opposed me there.

Unfortunately, the Blight had spread faster than I had foreseen and Undead were waiting at Mason’s Keep. The Dwarves I’d sent put up a strong fight, but they were too few in number to defeat the 30 strong horde of zombies.

The worst, however, was the news that a strong force of Undead was descending on Arrowstream. The tragedy of this is too strong for me to describe, for now, but at least Lord Spearson was able to escape to rendesvous with his compatriots at Mustang Ruins. “

Zombiston Lurchill
“Though there are zombie hordes directly to the west of me, my salvation lies to the north and south. I am playing the Men of the East, and the stalwart heroes that hail from Crown Keep will be my anvil. North of me is Forestport, Home of the Ents—they will be my hammer. I bribe some Gnomes to go inform them of this. To my south is the Frontier Market, which I will conquer and from which I will recruit Merchant Caravans. Merchants produce an extra two coins of whatever type of the province they’re stationed on, which can add a nice element of stability to the otherwise semi-randomized income your provinces provide. However, when stationed in a foreign king’s province, Merchants produce two coins of the province type per market level of the province. Further to the south of me is Lord Editor “Waste_Manager” Craig, with two level-four green provinces. That, sirrah, is nigh half an Ent army each and every day. Prepare for an influx of fat, worried-looking dudes, Craig! So, as I do in every other game in which I end up broke but with a big pile of shiny things to comfort me, I start spending money to make money.

Since a lack of communication and transparency is going to be what kill us, I’m going to be publishing my treasury information at the end of each post and then publishing each post to Craig’s spreadsheet. If everyone does the same, we’ll better be able to identify and redistribute unnecessary surpluses. Letting each other know about our plans will also help us decide where those surpluses can be best put to use. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. That’s right: we’re going to beat the zombies with Communism.

Anyway, I’ll be posting my treasury information in the natural order of blue/green/yellow/orange/red/purple, as well as the number of trades I have left and my next tax collection. So, as of this posting I am:

24/2/17/33/15/25; 0 of 4 trades; next tax collection in 10h 30m.

Ataree
“Generic medieval roleplay greeting to all! I am King Ataree, leader of the Goblins of the South, and I look damn ugly. Fortunately I am not the ugliest being in the south, for there looks to be a huge army of delightful looking zombies just east of where I–Oh wait…

Thankfully, there is a very small Goblin province between me and them – I can use them to buy me some time. Daunted by all the options available to me, I’m going to stay close to home for now and bribe some of these independent forces. Elf hunters? Sure, why not. That mob of Trolls is a bit too pricey for me at the moment though.

Southeast of Iron Root Fort, which seems to be my main keep, lies Iron Trunk Fort, inhabited by Ents. They’ve got a whopping income, if I can conquer their base I’ll be RICH BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS.

This isn’t all about me, though. No, this is about TEAMWORK. We are here to kill zombies and chew bubble gum. And I’m gonna need a lot more gum.”

Kutkh
“I know what you’re planning, Iron Helmet – if that is your real name! You have set we eight together not to test us against the Blight, but to turn us on each other. You mask your true intent behind a veil of lies – you say that this is a “game” of “strategy” and “diplomacy”, but know this – just as Pictionary is precision-tooled to destroy marriages, so your “game” promises little more than the utter sundering of this PC gaming blog.

Know then that one of us will stand against you. I will not bend to your petty manipulations, nor will I accept a victory that comes at the expense of my lovely, pleasant-smelling companions who I have never met. I will protect them from the Blight – with my people’s lives, if necessary – because I know that when the dust clears, the last enemy that shall be destroyed is Iron Helmet.

Zombiston Lurchill! Malrubius! Dick Puddings! Dante! Ataree! Arsewisely! Waste_Manager! I, Kutkh the Unpronounable – He Who Didn’t Know We Were Going For Funny Names And Would Have Appreciated A Heads Up – stands with you! For togetherness, and the triumph of the Dwarves of Love! PRESENTS FOR EVERYBODY!”

Dante
“Orcs is made for fightin”

When I first join Blight of the Immortals I’ve given a choice of starting race, Men, Elves or Orcs, it’s a no brainer. I’ve always had a little bit of sympathy for Orcs, they’re always portrayed as irredeemably evil, no choices, pure Elvish propaganda, I’m telling you.

I start out with three cities that spawn the aforementioned Orcs, who turn out to be bastard hard undead hunters (they double their dice rolls against zombies), Fay (Dark Elves who can stop other armies from using powers) and Orc Shamans (tiny units capable of a powerful indirect magic attack). I decide to do what I should have done in Neptune’s Pride and rapidly expand into the surrounding space while building up my markets. This means no knew troops at first, which considering I appear to be camped out in undead central might not be a great idea, but to hell with it. Bribery gets me a second Fay army, and both of them move to take towns of Nymphs (dispel power effects on allies) while the orcs and Shamans look to take even more Orc generating towns, including a strategically important fort.

Two big zombie armies are nearby, but I’ve gotten lucky, one lot of Zombie Orcs (Zorks) move towards Elliot instead, I contact him with a plan. If he captures the two forts near him and I the one near me, the Orcs will almost certainly dash themselves on one of them, they haven’t enough other places to go. Meanwhile the Fay will move towards the forest, containing Zombie Elves (Zelves) and Zombie Centaurs (Zorses). The Centaurs will be taken care of my Craig’s rather scary looking army of Ents, while the elves will be left up to me. If I play my cards right and bribe some armies I may be able to take them, meanwhile I can bribe a second army (using a different kind of coins) to make sure Craig doesn’t grab the best territory to himself. This might require some currency trading, however.

Time to play the stock market.”

GamingDaily