The Continuing Fortunes of Ultramegasaurus

I’ve been avoiding posting about my last three matches.  Somehow I managed to come out on top in every one and when you’re riding a wave of success the last thing you want to do is attract the attention of a fickle dice god who will happily flick you off the victory surf board at the slightest provocation.  Despite the risk, for you, here’s a quick blitz through my last three encounters in the prestigious Gaming Daily Blood Bowl League.

Please note: future loses are attributed to this fate-baiting article, not my stupid mistakes or any skill on the part of my opponents.

Ultramegasaurus vs No Punt Intended

Lizardmen have a bashy team diluted with weakly dodgers, Chaos have a bashy team with added bashy beastmen and their fearsome +1-strength-when-blitzing horns skill.  SAeN also had a few extra tonnes of warp-twisted muscle in the form of a ferocious minotaur; if there was going to be a fight I was pretty much guaranteed second place.  I’d have to keep the skinks on the move and out of trouble and hope my sauri were tough enough to basically act as a distracting chew toy for as many chaos as possible.  But!  SAeN had a sizeable Achilles’ Heel: only one re-roll.

Kick Off

SAeN won the toss and elected to receive.  I offered a four-sauri punching bag at the scrimmage line with a pack of five skinks cowering a little way behind.  Two further sauri flanked the skinks to intercept any potential scorers.  SAeN met me with all of his warriors and the minotaur at the scrimmage, surrounding them in a loose semi-circle with beastmen.  Barring any major problems I should be able to tie up the heavy hitters and deal with any intruding ball-carriers as well.  This was until a Blitz! kick-off event gave me a free first turn and I got overexcited, charging in my two safety sauri and all my skinks in the direction of the kick like a pack of poorly trained terriers.  The ball landed just ahead of my slavering skinks, all of whom had pursued it to the left side of the pitch and, with every sauri now getting mashed on the centre line, my right flank was lizard free.  Still, to take this advantage, a beastman would have to pick the ball up and pass it to a team-mate on the other side of the pitch, who would then have to catch it with his clumsy goat hands.  Chaos don’t do passing play; it just doesn’t happen.  And then it happened.  Beastman Best-Tigors caught the pass and began hammering down my undefended edge.  The good news was that SAeN had used up his single reroll to make the play.  The bad news was that my impetuous ball chasing left no second line of defence.  The worse news was that little skink Kwexz, absorbed by the uncanny display of Chaotic agility, was squished to death under an indifferent hoof.

Skinks scattered to slow down the rampant Best-Tigors; two attempting to head him off downfield, two darting behind the scrimmage to attack the rear.  The scrimmaging sauri heaved against the warriors, knocking back two and Kongwar the minotaur, freeing enough space for a single saurus to block the ball-carrier.  The ball was knocked free, recovered and surrounded by the skinks as Krongwar hit back badly hurting a saurus but knocking himself down with the breadth of his own fury.  SAeN rushed to create a defence but a beastman’s failed GFI gave me acres of space to run the ball in for the first touchdown; an opportunity I didn’t take, deciding instead to try and soften up the Chaos horde with a few turns of punching as Kongwar was still a bellowing wild animal rolling harmlessly around on the floor.  The ensuing fight came off about equal with a KO’d skink, saurus, Chaos Warrior and beastman respectively.  SAeN tried a cheeky foul which got a warrior sent off as well, a hefty price to pay with no further injury to me as a result of the illegal manoeuvre.

Second Half

My team was depleted.  Only four sauri and four skinks on the field but it was my turn to receive so I avoided the majority of SAeN’s muscle, concentrating my sauri on the weaker beastmen who had presented themselves on the centre line.  The kick went into touch so I put the ball immediately in the capable claws of top skink, Xholtenqmiq-shi, who scurried around and through the carnage emerging near the endzone with two skink bodyguards still in tow, a third having been knocked out along the way.  The field was becoming emptier and emptier as further casualties rolled in.  I KO’d a beastman, repaid soon after by a KO’d sauri (Kongwar again), leaving only two beastmen within range to stop plucky Xholt.  A saurus blitzed in to KO one horned pursuer, the other survived a three skink block, then made a spectacular dodge to return a block on Xholt but…  Attacker down.  The skink walked in the second touch-down unhampered.

SAeN’s lack of rerolls caused further problems with the restart as a failed pick-up gave Xholt another chance at glory, sneaking the ball away for the third touchdown.  In the dying moments of the game there were only two major occurences: I had the chance to catch my own kick fail on a GFI and I repaid my deceased skink by fracturing a beastman skull.  Then it was all over: 3-0 Ultramegasaurus.

Despite being low on lizards for the majority of the game, the wonderful stunty skill and innately slow Chaos meant I could avoid their overwhelming physical advantage when it counted.  It was a violent match but could easily have been a lot worse – at least no sauri sustained any lasting injuries.  I was extremely lucky.

Mighty Xholt came away from the game a level up receiving agility 4.  I was also flooded with enough cash to hire an apothecary.  Too late for one poor skink though.  Sob.

Ultramegasaurus vs Casual Cottagers

Next up, Ed’s goblins.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t expect victory.  Goblins are said to be capable of surprising play but it can only be surprising if it doesn’t happen very often, and very often it doesn’t.  Still, a probable victory doesn’t stop a str 7 fanatic from breaking your hardest player’s face or a chainsaw wielding looney from gamely severing beloved limbs.  To tell you the truth, the looney bloody terrifies me with his armour ignoring chainsaw attack – one of my principle tactics will be to take him out as soon as he shows his grinning face on the pitch.  The rest should take care of itself with the aid of big lizardy fists and fragile goblin skulls, right?  Right?!

I won the toss and chose to receive, aligning the majority of my team on the centre to start punching as soon as possible while avoiding the trolls and fanatic.  A quick pick-up and hand-off and Xholt had the ball again, scuttling under the legs of three sauri in a drive up the left flank.  With the additional skinks in the way this was a tough cage for the gobs to break with the fanatic failing to cause any injuries.  A troll managed to gather his thoughts long enough to knock out a saurus but by then a score was inevitable; 1-0 in turn three.  Throwing about seven blocks in the process, I’d only managed to KO one goblin and he quickly sprung back to life for the next drive.  I was hoping to be well on the way to crippling Ed’s team by this stage.  Drat.

On the restart I soon found myself surrounded by trolls and goblins.  Ed’s pogoer had grabbed the ball and was bouncing ominously towards me but a saurus had the space to blitz in and take him out, causing an injury which was patched up by the apothecary.  There was the chance to sneak a skink in and pick the ball up but he couldn’t escape the swarms of goblins, tripping up and knocking himself out as he tried to break away.

This really was getting a bit sticky.  My team was surrounded by gibbering goblins and with only agility 1, dodging my sauri away wasn’t an option.  And the only one without gobs clinging to him was swiftly knocked out by the pesky troll that dealt the same damage to his team-mate earlier on.  Ed had managed to retrieve the ball and was well on his way to running it passed my bogged down lizards who were being steadily decimated by furious troll and goblin attacks.  A last ditch attempt to stop him by three skinks saw one goblin badly hurt and a skink knocked out (by that same damned troll) but it all ultimately failed to prevent a touchdown. 1-1.

Half Time

Well, not quite the walk in the park I’d anticipated.  And now the looney’s on, whirring away with his chainsaw and… Hang on.   What’s Ed’s pogoer doing back on the pitch?  Ok, he came back on for turn eight cus the apothecary healed him but shouldn’t he have gone off at the end of the first half?  He’s a secret weapon!  Shenanigans, I cry.  No matter – primary objective: kill the looney.  Kill it!!

Ed’s trolls started playing up a bit, their loner ‘skill’ knocking one down and providing my three scrimmaging sauri the chance to hold the other off and prevent them both helping the ball goblin who was haring down my left flank surrounded by his chattering cohorts.  A saurus, Tlanmiq-shi, broke into their cage but a climax of buzzing metal teeth and foul smelling black smoke checked his tackle.  The screaming looney charged and sliced off enough of Tlan to knock him unconscious.  This bloody display gave team-mate Tza of Axotl a sufficient enough jog to the memory to recall the team’s primary objective which had been so energetically defined by his coach in the half-time changing-swamp: ‘First chance you get, kill the damned looney!’  With a jurassic bellow Tza flung himself at Ed’s looney, sending him off the pitch badly hurt.

With the trolls pacified for the time being and the looney now an unpleasant greasy memory, I ordered a couple of sauri into the goblin cloud to try and pry the ball free.  Goblins went flying as lizards fought their way to the ball carrier.  Somehow a troll managed to amble over and join in the fray, giving the goblin masses a slight edge and knocking down a couple of sauri, one right next to the ball goblin.  He picked himself up and threw a punch, smashing the ball carriers hand, knocking him and the ball off the pitch.  Everyone froze mid-punch and all eyes followed the trajectory of the ball as it was hurled back on.

It landed three squares away from my end zone on the opposite side of the pitch.

Ed swore.

My skinks bolted.

Ed’s pogoer was the only goblin with a chance of stopping me and he knocked himself out in his haste to get near the ball.  A stalemate slightly in Ed’s favour had suddenly turned into a victory for me to lose.  With two rerolls I just had to pass one 4+ check to pick the ball up with the first skink to make the distance.  Two further goblins were two turns away.

Pick-up.  Failed.

Reroll.

Failed.

One goblin made it to within two squares of being a problem.  The second goblin… failed another GFI and was knocked out.  It had to be this turn or I’d have to worry about another stunty ruining my chance to snatch a late victory.

Success.  2-1 turn 15!  And, as if to celebrate, all my KOs came back on the pitch for the final turn.

In time honoured goblin tradition Ed ends the game with a last ditch goblin throw which failed spectacularly, as is only right, adding a second smashed hand to his beleaguered team.

It could so easily have gone the other way.  Had Ed managed to dodge his ball carrier around my bogged down lizards he would have had a pretty high chance of scoring.  Without even making much use of his secret weapons Ed’s team had been a pain in the ass from start to finish and I think 2-1 to Ed would have been a fairer reflection of how the game played out.  That throw on was simply terrible luck, I’ve never seen a ball scatter so far.    C’est la Blood Bowl.

On the other hand: hurrah!  No injuries and another two level 2 sauri with block; a formidable scrimmage line.  Roooar.  And some cash of course – time to save up for a Kroxigor methinks.

Ultramegasaurus vs Eringrad Eagles

Humans are one of those annoying teams that are pretty good at everything.  Chimp had a mix of the specialists, with two catchers implying he was going to play a passing game and I couldn’t risk giving away quick touchdowns (as demonstrated against Dante’s cursed skaven).  To slow him up the catchers would have to go and at strength 2 even skinks had a chance of bullying them.  No ogre either, so I had the strength advantage overall.  Kill all humans.

Chimp received at the kick off and advanced a cage of linesmen and catchers which I surrounded and started worrying, only for him to run his ball-carrier around the other side of the pitch rather than passing to them.  Craftily, I’d stowed a safety saurus at the end of the field to deal with the problem, along with several skinks; this pack ploughed into the errant blitzer knocking him over and the ball off pitch at pretty much the same place I’d knocked Ed’s goblin off in that fateful tackle earlier.  The ball was thrown back on and landed in pretty much the same place on the other end of the field, three squares away from my endzone.  Goodness.  There were no skinks close enough to take advantage this time however, and Chimp’s thrower, Tushin, retrieved the ball, gesturing for a catcher to begin a run towards the endzone.  One obeyed and instantly marked himself out as target priority one; two skinks and a saurus pounced and pinned him to the ground before picking him up and slinging him off the pitch.  Tushin sighed and began running the ball himself.  With a saurus in hot pursuit, he passed to a blitzer who charged through an opening in the scrimmage line; he was close to scoring but completely isolated and easy prey for the catcher clean-up squad of two skinks and a saurus.  With the ball free Kwe the skink gobbled it up and sought safety near his brothers on the scrimmage line only to run straight into the fist of blitzer Dolokhov, the ball scattering to the floor once more amid the crowd of tussling lizards and humans.

The pack was tight around the ball so a pick-up would be tricky for either side.  I crowded as many lizards around it as I could then sent top scorer Xholt into the chaos to see if he could come out with the ball – and he did!  Xholt, how could I ever have doubted you?  He shot off upfield away from any potential tacklers and brought in the first TD just before half time: 1-0 Ultramegasaurus.

Half Time

After half time, the ball went off on the kick yet again and was soon back in the hands of trusty Xholt (should probably start getting some SPs on other skinks but it’s so hard not to play as conservatively as possible at the time, ya know?).  A solid blue wall of scales and hornes formed around him, preparing for a violent bash through Chimp’s defensive lines.  But…

Well, this is interesting.  Chimp’s sent his entire team around the sides of my cage to attack my skink rearguard.  His half of the pitch is completely clear.  It may seem like an odd tactic but it’s one I’ve tried in the past against Lizardmen myself; basically, looking to kick a couple of sauri heads in with concentrated blocking in the hope of crippling the team at the expense of a touchdown. (I think, anyway.  Chimp may of course simply be mad).  Either way, the man wanted a fight and I was pleased to oblige him.

With three skinks tucked away next to the endzone guarding the ball, the game devolved into a massive punch-up on the centre line.  Six of Chimp’s men brought down a saurus and proceeded to stand around kicking him with no ref intervention for two turns, but no injury either fortunately.  A catcher made a decent effort to grab the ball from distant Xholt but his skink bodyguards cleanly shunted him off pitch with a KO.  And so the punch-up continued, me holding off the touchdown from turn 10 till turn 14.  Chimp had failed to cause any injuries and I’d badly hurt two of his men.   I felt a little cheesy turtling away the ball for so long, so brought home the touchdown to get the game moving again and allow Chimp a couple of turns to reply.  ‘Why so soon?’  He asked.  Evidently, he’d been having fun getting kicked around the pitch.  Whatever floats your boat Chimpy; frankly if I was on the receiving end of the tactics I’d just played I’d be pretty hacked off.

I had a full team, Chimp was four men down.  A concerted drive at the restart was too sparsely manned to prevent mass lizard destruction and the game ended with Ultramegasaurus poised to take another touchdown, but the clock was against them.

2-0 Ultramegasaurus.

Chimp’s tactical assault during the second half was a bold and risky move which failed to pay off, what with me being a shit and withholding the restart.  I kinda shot myself in the foot with it though, I should have wrapped up the second TD quickly and attempted a third because at the end of this match a Kroxigor was still out of reach.

What next for Ultramegasaurus?  Can my luck possibly hold?  Stay tuned for the final match and some hot lizard on lizard action with Ultramegasaurus and Mike’s Bravescales.  It’s a game I’m going to have to win to be in with a chance of overall victory.  Exciting times.