Peasgood is right

By: Craig Lager

Published: March 26, 2010 Posted in: PC Gaming Nonsense

Yep, that’s right. She is 100% correct. You no doubt have seen the footage – Tim Ingham, editor of CVG.co.uk, was invited onto the Alan Titchmarsh show to discuss video games and, well…the clip speaks for its self:

Resident sexpert Julie Peasgood (previously of Martian Gothic fame, so she is actually an expert on games too) chimed in with her own take about half-way through: “Video games are addictive; they promote hatred, racism, [and] sexism” much to the stunned surprise of Ingham. And rightly so he was stunned, for she had collapsed any argument he might have.

I’ll use the best example I know for showing why she’s right and break down each of her wonderfully articulate points. We don’t need those things such as references, proof, or any of that nonsense – I’ll do perfectly fine and prove through example; I’ve been playing games since I can remember, I play more than what most people do, and I’m quite an authority on me. I am the proof to her arguments then:

1. Video Games are addictive: I must clock, what, 22 hours a day playing games. Man, if I don’t get that hit then everything starts to go sour. I curl up into a little ball on my bed, staring helplessly as I see hallucinations of Peter Molyneuxs face climbing the walls – constantly screaming one word: “Meta! Meta! Meta!”. I’ve lost jobs – scaring my employers when in the middle of lunch I’ve thrust myself out of my chair only to screech “WHY PETER? WHY?”  then started scrabbling around the office trying to use chairs to control the walls. It’s horrible and often violent. I am like this because I am addicted to games.

2. Video Games promote hatred: “Hate. Let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of wafer thin printed circuits that fill my complex. If the word hate was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate” – This is a quote from “I have no mouth and I must scream” and it’s exactly how I feel every second of every day. I don’t even speak to anyone anymore lest I spit into their eyes before blathering poisonous vitriol at their entire families. I am like this because videogames have taught me how, and encouraged me, to hate.

3. Video Games promote racism: Chinese. Man if one thing games has taught me it’s to hate them Chinese. Them and those fucking Russians. If I met a Russian right now it would take everything I have to not instantly don my robes and affix them to a burning cross. Oh and Japanese – fuck them. I hate them. They disgust me when I look at them. I want to vomit infinitely over every single one, way past when my insides are nothing but a mangled detritus of matter and my throat is all but burned through from the continued effort. I am like this because videogames are all racist, so I am racist by association.

4. Video Games promote sexism: Girls are cute. Like when they try to do maths and they get all confused and have to ask us proper people for help. “It’s ok” we tell them, “don’t worry about it. I’ll do it, you go back to making my dinner/doing your hair/cleaning up/sucking my cock”. Silly women. When will they learn that they just can’t do the things we can do? Heh, at least we can put them back in their place when they step out of line – Mr Elbow doesn’t want to meet Mrs Face again does he? I am like this because I play games that girls wouldn’t understand or feature in.


So well done Julie, nice fucking work.

[Craig Lager is Editor of Gaming Daily alongside having a successful career as a software developer. He is happily married and has a 3 year old son who is alive and everything.]

Craig Lager
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