I Call Her Vera – My favourite guns today

I was going to call this ‘My favourite guns in games’ but I’ll be honest, my opinion is astonishingly changeable on this subject, it’s entirely possible I’ll have a totally different list tomorrow, but anyway, right now these are some of my favourite guns in games:

Badaboom Award for Exploding Hilarity – M920 Cain – Mass Effect 2

For when you absolutely, positively have to kill everything in the immediate vicinity, accept no substitute for the M920 Cain.

Mass Effect’s famously detailed codex has an entry for the Cain, in which it states that it is “not technically a nuke”. The very fact that they felt the need to point this out says nearly everything there is to say about this gun. “Technically not a nuke” though it may be, after four seconds of charging this gun will fire a round which explodes into a horrific mushroom cloud that destroys absolutely everything in the radius. After which the firer may or may not comment “I am become death, destroyer of worlds”.

If you scavenge every last ammo upgrade in the galaxy, you can fire the Cain exactly twice in a mission, those two shots, incidentally, will take down the final boss instantly. Truly, this is the biggest of the BFGs.

Bullet Hell Award for Exceptional Dakka – Minigun – Team Fortress 2

The Heavy was the first class I played in Team Fortress 2, he seemed simple, he seemed to make sense, and I was really rather handy with him. Before I could even get a double figure score with another class I was capable of dominating games as a Heavy, of providing an immovable defensive object that dealt death with a whirring cloud of metal.

Playing a Heavy isn’t about twitch aiming, it’s about knowing the terrain, exploiting choke points and thinking several moves ahead, yet it’s not entirely tactical either. Some might argue that the rocket launcher, sticky bomb launcher or sniper rifle is the most deadly weapon in TF2, these people are wrong. While each of these weapons is fearsome in it’s own right, if a Heavy gets the drop on you, and you hear his minigun whirring to a start behind you, you won’t even have time to turn around before he cuts you, and anyone standing next to you into ribbons.

Go on a long enough killing streak with a minigun and the Heavy, oh he of comic relief and dopey comments, forgoes humour and simply lets out a primal roar of sheer fury. As the death toll mounts it gets louder and louder and louder, until you realise that the reason it sounds so loud is that it isn’t just the Heavy screaming, it’s you too, as the blood pounds in your ears and it feels like you can do no wrong, dropping men left right and centre in cavalcade of bullets you realise that there is simply no more Dakka than this.

Silent But Deadly Award for Undetectable Death Dealing – Vintar BC – S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Series

When I got my first Vintar in S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Shadow over Chenobryl, I used to it take out four men sitting around a campire before the last man even realised the first was dead. I sold all my other guns at that point, I didn’t need them any more.

The Vintar is a fully automatic, silenced sniper rifle. It is phenomenally accurate, incredibly damaging and, most importantly, totally and completely silent. It’s (minor) drawbacks are is it’s low clip size and it’s slow bullet speed, which results in the rounds arcing slightly over a distance. Once you get used to this however you become the proud owner of hands down the best gun in the game. Indoors it is fearsome, outdoors it’s practically game breaking, capable of taking out enemy patrols from miles away without making a sound.

Recently I started Call of Prypriat, and when I did I made a promise to myself, whatever the main quest really is I have my own objective. Get me a Vintar.

Applied Pyromania Award for Sheer Burnination – Flamethrower – Far Cry 2

Whatever you think of Far Cry 2, and I think it certainly has it’s share of problems, you have to say that it features, hands down, the best fire in any game ever. If you haven’t played Far Cry 2, I urge you to do so right away, it’s okay, I’ll wait. Buy the game, do missions for the gun dealer long enough to get the flamethrower, fire it, and come back to me.

I know, brilliant isn’t it?

Fire in Far Cry 2 propagates and moves naturally across the dry African bush. A quick squirt of the flamethrower can spread and light a patch of grass, which sets a tree alight, which lights a bush which catches a cache of ammunition, which suddenly explodes, firing bullets everywhere. In the right circumstances an entire base can be destroyed with the right application of flame in the right spot, with the player cackling with glee the whole time.

Beware though, fire has no loyalty, if the wind changes the Flamethrower can turn on you, trapping you in a wall of fire. Somehow, this only makes it more fun.