Why I hate: Metal Gear Solid

The Metal Gear Solid series is all wrong. It’s been wrong from the start and anyone that praises Kojima as a game design god is unfortunately mistaken. MGS is entirely pretentious and ultimately stubborn, convoluting over the years into a unintentional parody of its self.



I Hate Mgs: Solid fucktard



I can hear the screams of a million playstation owners already. In fact I think I can smell the burning torches outside of the window, all accompanied by pitchforks and shouts of heresy. They are all wrong though, they just don’t realise it – or probably they don’t want to realise it. Since the PS1, MGS has been Sonys poster boy; held aloft by the adorning fans as the reason to own a playstation. The gorgeous graphics and twisting plot all entwined with that unique blend of ‘tactical espionage action’ is what makes the console so much better than it’s counterparts. Isn’t it? No.


Firstly let’s take a look at that tagline – ‘tactical espionage action’. Who decided to slap that on there? Does splinter cell carry “strategic spying and shooting” under it, or hitman “planned stealth murdering”? While I know neither are as catchy, and would get laughed out of any marketing meeting – so should anything so utterly redundant and pretentious. ‘tactical espionage action’, stealth game, you are a fucking stealth game and that’s all there is to it.


In fact, I’d say metal gear was less about stealth and more about blind luck. Stealth to me is planning and being clever. Putting yourself in a situation where you can formulate a plan and execute it, but be able to do something about it when it all goes wrong. What this ultimately means is that you need to be able to see what you are doing and limiting my view to 10 meters each side of me doesn’t allow this. I can semi excuse such a view in the first game because you could slam the ‘technical limitations’ badge on it, and that’s fair enough, but keeping it because it’s “the best way”, well I don’t know if I buy that. I think it’s done this way out of stubbornness, because the old Metal Gear was top down Kojima is adamant that it’s the best way to carry on – when it clearly isn’t. Technology moves on, so should the way we interact with it. If there is a better was of doing something, for god sake adopt it – 3d cameras is such a thing.


I challenge anyone that has played Metal Gear to honestly tell me that the camera hasn’t constantly got in the way. You can’t be stealthy when blundering around effectively blind. When you can’t see what you’re doing bumping into guards, cameras and whatever other obstacles are in your way is inevitable and frustrating – the only way you can know what’s coming is to drop into First person and battle with the stupid ‘we so want to be different’ controls, and god help you if you actually want to shoot anything.


To go along with all this nonsense is the plot. Now, the story probably isn’t all that bad but because of the insanely tedious radio chats and lengthy cutscenes (which only got worse as the series continued) I couldn’t care less. You can’t make people sit and listen to 15 minutes of dialogue going through some half arsed radio communication screen. This is only topped by cutscenes exceeding an hour – and I’m all for story in games but that is not the way to do it – it defeats the point of doing a game at all. They are meant to be interactive, and with the cutscenes driving the action, not the other way around. Oh no, sorry, they were interactive weren’t they: you could switch the camera around.


Lastly, I hate how it tries to be clever but ends up being nothing more than ridiculous. Putting a number that you need to continue with the game on the back of the box is out right ridiculous. You might think it’s clever, but it’s not. I would love to know how many people figured it out for themselves, I would guess that it’s less than 1%. Also, it’s tearing down the fourth wall and instantly breaking down any sort of immersion it may have built up. I don’t want to dig around my drawers and piles of tat I have lying around, trying to find the fucking box when I’m trying to just play the god dam game – or rather sit through more endless dialogue that is only relevant to the proceedings 50% of the time.


Agh! I hate MGS. I hate the characters, the bland art style, the dull conversations, the cut scenes, the camera, the controls. It’s an instruction book on how not to make a game for me. Why do all you people like it? What is it that appeals? I think it’s because you think you should like it, because everyone says you should. In actual fact it’s some grotesque mish-mash of old and new dragged from the 80’s where there was actual limitations on what you could do to get a story across and have action play out – now still unchanged and clinging on.


Metal Gear needs to be let out to die – it’s had it’s day and times have moved on. There are better narrative devices than epic cutscenes and better ways of doing combat that top down wankery. It’s a bad set of games – fact.

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