It’s sunday. Keep that dressing gown on all day and relax, you’re not going anywhere. Get a drink, make a sandwich with your favourite spread*₁ in. Scartch yourself. Pick your nose. If you’re reading this and it’s not sunday, then you might want to get to work. If you don’t have work to get to or are already there, it’s nice you’re slacking off here you trooper. Now that you’re comfortable, marvel how I just wasted a paragraph.
Ok, time to stop taking the piss and the experimenting with styles. This week, I’ve been trying to introduce my girlfriend to PC games. One reason is that I love her and would like to involve her in this aspect of my life, the other is that I think it’ll be cool if I can get her to play.
It’s cool because I’m a geek.
Now, did I mention she lives in America? So I can’t step by step instruct and show her easily. I now know how the control tower operator feels in action films; where they have to instruct an inexperienced passenger over the comms how to fly and land a boeing 747. Unlike a film though, what would happen in real life would be a massive explosion, multiple casualties and Samuel Jackson splattered on the runway. As was the case here. Minus Snakes.
I know it’s not impossible, but I refer again to my handicap of not actually being there. Team Fortress 2 seemed like the logical choice and was suggested by a number of compatriots and google results. Here I’d like to put Valve’s collective phallus in my mouth for a moment to praise how accessible steam is and much more open it makes PC gaming. I’m sure if I’d tried this pre-steam I would’ve been faced with lots of issues about patches, compatibility, horoscope alignment and diety knows what else. Here all I had to do was get her to download steam, create a quick account and then I could just gift the orange box straight to her and it worked in a flash on her laptop. *Takes out Valve’s phallus*.
I didn’t start her out with Portal or HL2 as she said she wanted me there to instruct her, and she found them confusing (having never played a shooting game or its ilk before). Jumping onto a drunk German friend’s server that was relatively empty, I managed to guide her into picking a team and a class (pyro). Then she spawned and we started the Team GirlFriend 2torial -
“Ok, use WASD to move ok?”
“Alright.”
“And the mouse to aim, left click shoots…*she starts running sideways and pausing to aim*…how come you’re not using them both?”
“What?”
“You know, you run around but you use the mouse to steer kindof…”
“That’s pretty hard to do”
“Is it?”
“Yeah”
*Pause*
“Really?”
“Well it is on this touchpad. I can’t use it without accidentally firing.”
*Sound of me smacking my own forehead*
It then struck me just how daunting it really was to a new gamer. Something which I could do unthinking; running and aiming with a keyboard and mouse, was to her a new skillset. I was complacent that would be something easily learnt, so I could get into some vague pointers about the classes and let her loose to learn. But she was terrified, not only about a whole new way of thinking and reflexes but then the furthering daunting aspects of ALL the classes.
Team Fortress was suggested to me on the basis that the apperance of the characters helped lend a certain pyschology as to how they worked, and that is true to some level. But have you ever thought how you would explain any game’s mechanics to an utter novice? Let alone something like the spy? “Well you cloak but you can’t attack and you make a sound when you do also you can disguise whilst cloaked and it’s displayed in thebottomleftbutthenyouneedtoactliketheclassyoudisguiseasthenthere’sthebackstabwhi- ARGHHHHH”. Not to mention even those shaky understandings have unlocks piled onto them. Imagine you were a driving instructor, and you took your first time pupil out in a subaru impreza on the basis it’s a good car. Then not only were you teaching them to drive in this daunting thing and getting them used to the feel of a manual, but you then explained to them how to replace the gearbox and tune the revs of the engine plus not to mention all the different models of car. If you didn’t end up wrapped around a tree you’ve probably got Colin McRae reincarnated as your pupil.
So what do I do? I really don’t want to frustrate and intimidate her too much, as that starting period is the one where it’s easiest to give up. She’s bought a mouse and ready to generously give it another go, but I’m really trying to think how to get her to a stage where she doesn’t feel embarrassed to play online. I’ll continue to chart the course of her improvement on my poorly neglected blog, as I like using this sunday slot for all manner of things. Casual games like Plants vs Zombies and Peggle, with their addicting honorificabilitudinitatibus/achievements have been great in enticing her into gaming, I just need something to help ease her into more. Games have always been a fun easy thing for me, it’s strange thinking of them as intimidating and a chore to learn.
If someone can suggest the marjuana game that’ll lead her onto the cocaine of Team Fortress 2, I’d like to hear.
*₁ Such as marmite. To spice up this footnote as promised – Spreading a lady’s legs might allow you to perform cunnilingus on her, but that’s not a sandwich spread. It’s a sexual act. You can’t put it in bread.
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Man, you write the funniest things. Love it. Did you do those pics yourself btw?
Honestly, I would try portal. Puzzle solving, nice learning curve, engaging, plus it has fps controls. It’s the one my Mrs got on with the best. After that…ArmA II?
See, I tried Lisa with Portal and it wasn’t so fun for her. I didn’t even think to try TF2. She’s buddies with your protege now, Ed, so I’m sure the community effort will help.
It’s totally weird learning WASD – I remember switching from the DOOM-style cursor keys, ctrl-to-fire, no-jump system and feeling like Neo waking up in “The Matrix”. It’s just like riding a bike, though – the controls are a means to enjoying a truly worthwhile experience, as you know.
Yeah, all picturing was done with a bit of amateur garry’s modding and the last with my good friend paint. I got her to play portal, but she said it was boring and it didn’t really entice her. Do you think TF2 bots would be any good? Or are they too fiddly?
I know the experience is worthwhile, and can be learnt. But TF2 can be kindof like riding your bike amongst xtreme mountain biking enthusiasts. I think a cutesy game with solid but easy gameplay like Plants Vs Zombies, but as an fps would be ideal to learn from. As it stands, I can’t really see an easy entry point into the world of twitchy reactions.
Maybe just a dumb shooter then but not too dumb. Maybe Serious Sam or something? Painkiller is far too boring but something along those lines. You know – just to get the moving and shooting down.
I think tf2 is too complex, bots or no, for now. You have to understand the basic fps mechanics, then all the other mechanics we’ve learnt over time with other stuff (grenade firing arches, splash damage, back-stabs, ambushing, etc.)
That’s just the thing – they’re dumb. I just know she’ll turn around to me and ask “what’s the point?” as she’s not a fan of gore, so that’s even more offputting. TF2 has undeniable charm.
I need a game which is cutesy and good with an gradual way of introducing the genre mechanics like Plants Vs Zombies does. However, such a game would only be successful if you got the hardcore playing it as well, so where would the challenge be to people already used to the mechanics? If they don’t like it then who is there to reccomend and spread the game?
Battlefield heroes. Done.