The story of Private E is one of tension, heroism, insanity, beautiful landscapes and
sometimes idiotic teamates. His tale would be untold, if it were not for the fortunate unearthing of the recent journal detailing his assault on Skira. One must assume the poor Private lost his mind amongst the chaos, for he gives references to seeing his own death numerous times and merely “respawning at the last checkpoint”. When I can I will be posting up entries on a weekly or half weekly basis for public consumption. What follows is the largely unedited first entry from this journal, chronicling his thoughts and experiences during the inital mission of the conflict.
“I’m not too sure why I’m here. Unlike normal briefings all I was shown was a history slideshow detailing why Japan, China and Russia have all gone and kicked the crap out of this Island at points in the past. Then I’m told there’s oil, China is all pissy and we’re allied with the Russians. Whatever, I’m just here to shoot guns, fly helicopters and shoot guns whilst flying helicopters.
I’m thrown down in a pretty landscape, but while appreciating this I notice I didn’t get to pick my gun. “Hey, what gives sir? I wanted a sniper rifle!”
“Private Hal has the sniper rifle, E” is the terse reply I got back over the radio.
“Well, can I pick another gun?”
“Can I ask Hal to swap guns with me?”
“Right, so when can I get a sniper rifle?”
“From my cold, dead hands E” Hal chipped in. The smug git, little did he know he was going to eat those words come tomorrow. Though by that point he wouldn’t have a stomach to digest them with.
“Fine you fuckers. See if I care”. I ran up the hill, following the checkpoints left for me by command on my satnav. Man, was there alot of tall grass. Pretty yes, but nearly deadly oh so often. If the Chinese weren’t such bad shots my head would’ve been caved in within 5 seconds. Still, it did teach me to be a bit more tactical, and that speed isn’t everything with potential ambushes everywhere.
Ordering my squad to fall in we made our way to the first objective to destroy a radar ontop of a hill. I couldn’t spot much of the enemy but they could shoot at me somehow. Luckily my squad possessed x-ray vision as well, so I let them have a firefight through vision blocking bushes and grass. When everyone was dead or groaning I moved up and took out a few defenders that I could see before blowing up the Radarmajig.
It was then that the Respawning started happening.
I’ve never died before, so I don’t know if I always had this…ability or if coming to Skira triggered it. What happened was we were moving onto assault a village when a grenade was thrown at us. I went and hid behind a convenient rock when Jonathan started running into me, pushing me out of the cover and into the grenade. “What the hell are you doing Coulton?!” but he kept running into me obliviously, pushing me and him out from behind the rock when we both died. I felt my legs and abdomen rip apart and disintegrate, saw my own intestines lying on the ground and Coulton’s head next to me, detached. My life force faded but when everything turned black these, I think words appeared. LOAD LAST CHECKPOINT they said, and before I knew what it meant I’d…respawned, and was back at just having blown up the Radar.
“What the fucking fuck was that?!”
“You just blew up the Radar, E. Don’t be so shocked” Sal amusedly said.
Hal looked at me with contempt “God damn rookies. Piss their pants at anything”.
“Didn’t you guys just see me die?”
“Unless the world’s a stage, no we didn’t. Get your head together son”
Shaken I ordered we press on, and despite the deja vu no grenade came this time. The majestic views with their lush foilage and sweeping hills helped calm me, despite the tracer rounds whipping around us into the dirt as we assaulted a village. Command told me that a bombardment was ready from the navy, and I confusedly started fiddling with my equipment to figure out how to order such a thing. It wasn’t under any of the usual frequency options, and only after a quick flick through the field manual did I find out how to issue such an order.
After the village we proceeded to move on to clear out our LZ. We were also told to destroy some SAM sites but screw that shit, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there. I tried ordering Sal and Hal on one side of a road with me and Coulton on the other to ambush a convoy of trucks near to our pickup point. They acknowledged my order to hold fire and proceeded to bloody fire anyway, before the Chinese were in an ambushable position. Coulton got shot running into the open for some bizzare reason and was down for the count, managing to assure us “It’s ok boys, I’m still alive”. We somehow prevailed despite this.
I swear, they’re either doing it to wind me up or suffer from special momentary stupidity that they forget about afterwards. With my death experience and squadmates acting more retarded than chimps on meth I was glad when the helicopter landed. I took extra care ordering the men onboard, as I remembered a tale Major Lager told me about one of his men not looking where they were going and getting minced by the Rotary blades. Considering how today went, I wasn’t taking any chances. I turned to the pilot to make sure we were fine for take off.
“Can I fly the helicopter?”
“No. That’s my job.”
“Can I shoot from the minigun turret on it?”
“Can I at least sit next to you and pretend to fly the helicopter?”
Figures. This army sucks.