I’m a cleaner – Mission 8

By: Craig Lager

Published: September 18, 2009 Posted in: I'm a cleaner

Still in the deep south, today I have to stop a wedding. A redneck couple are getting hitched on the Mississippi – the groom along with the father of the bride have to go. These people should be stupid so taking out whoever I like shouldn’t be a problem, it’s just that with it being a thoroughbred redneck wedding there will be guns a plenty, along with booze; could be messy. The father of the bride is also mobbed up so it seems, so there are going to be guards, lots of guards. I suppose that’s why they gave me the job.

Hitman: targets

I step off the boat to the sound of gunshots. Some gun toting idiots are shooting alligators in the river – whoopin’ and a’hollerin’ as they do so. Stupid fucks, I should just kill ‘em all. I could probably do it too, I’m armed to the teeth. With me I’ve got my trusty pistol, silenced sniper rifle and also a sub machine gun, you know, just in case. I head straight through the boat house to the party proper, no time to waste here – at some point the actual ceremony is going to start and I need to kill my targets before that happens and everyone is looking straight at them.

Hitman: killing the wildlife

The party is in full swing in front of a massive manor – behind which is where the ceremony is going to take place. I prowl the party – I need to get into the manor but to do that I’m going to need an invitation – something I’m dangerously missing. After not very long at all I spy a guest staggering about, out of his mind on booze. He shambles into a decrepit shed out of sight and promptly falls asleep. As much as I want to kill him, just to thin the ranks of these slack jawed fucks, I restrain and instead relieve him of his gun and party invitation, then head into the manor.

Hitman: drunk man

Skulking around I bump into the bride and groom but say nothing apart from a complete bullshit ‘congratulations’ – I just need the groom on his own so I can kill him. After some more wandering I find the wedding cake – it’s obnoxiously massive, insultingly massive even. I’m told from my intel that the groom can’t resist coming for a taste every so often, so naturally I poison it. That should be one down. I’m also told that the father of the bride keeps visiting some grave that’s tucked away in the garden somewhere. It doesn’t take long for me to find it and as I do I’m notified that the groom is dead. Weddings off then? Do I at least get to take some cake….oh wait.

Hitman: flavouring

Though I’ve found the grave I’m not actually next to it but rather looking at it from behind some trees. If I want to get close it means going through a restricted area which I don’t really want to do. Through the trees however I can see a person shaped shape moving around. It’s probably the guy I’m after, but it might not be. I mull it over. Fuck it. It’s a bit of a long shot but I don’t want to spend the time getting my sniper rifle ready – guards are everywhere. I pull my pistol and aim for what I think is the center of the back. The guy falls dead. I’m notified it’s the right guy. All objective complete and since this is the most depressing wedding I’ve ever been to I think now’s about time to head out. Fast and brilliantly simple, plus I didn’t even have to change from my suit.

Hitman: the grave is there somewhere

My after action report tells me something interesting – there were three witnesses. What? Were? I’m pretty sure no one saw anything and it’s not like anyone took a shot at me, or even chased me. I must be getting sloppy. Standards are slipping and the most deadly missions are yet to come. This could be a rough trip. Next I’m off to a casino under the bright lights of Las Vegas – somewhere where witnesses really are going to be a problem.

Hitman: leaving

Craig Lager
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