I’m a cleaner – Mission 6

By: Craig Lager

Published: May 12, 2009 Posted in: Game Reports, I'm a cleaner

I have to kill Hugh Heffner (a none-licensed equivalent anyway) and his son. They are throwing a party at their rather exquisite snow embedded mansion which I have an invite for. There are plenty of people attending for me to blend in with and some of them have big flashing badges on allowing them into the VIP area…I need one of those. There is one slight thing to worry about though – there is another assassin present that’s looking to kill me, so if I see her I had best take her out too, just to be on the safe side.



Hitman - Blood Money: targets



I start at a pier covered in snow. There are various people hanging around donning tuxedos, then there are a couple of guards hanging around the entrances. The mansion is either a lift ride or guarded corridors away so I head over to the lift. As soon as I get close I’m immediately spotted by a CCTV camera I didn’t notice, this means evidence, this means I have to recover the security tape later. I call the lift and as I wait for it to appear another guest turns up and also waits for the lift. On his tux is a big flashing red VIP badge which might as well say “kill me now and pillage my corpse you big bald bastard” on it. The lift arrives and we jump in. As soon as the doors shut I try to stifle a melodramatic evil laugh then climb through a hatch onto the roof of the lift. The guest still inside the lift doesn’t seem to notice me doing this, or he plain doesn’t care, so I garrotte him, pulling him through the hatch by his neck. With him dead I steal his whole outfit and jump back into the lift just as the doors open. VIP areas here I come.



Hitman - Blood Money: the lift of doom



Firstly I head into the main bar and have a chat with the barman. Turns out he is a bit of a deviant and has no quams in slipping me a tube of aphrodisiac with which to get me or some one else “going” with. I did mention this is basically a playboy mansion right? There are tits and arse bouncing around everywhere…



Hitman - Blood Money: tits and arse everywhere



I casually slip the drugs into a drink next to me and then step outside. I can see a jacuzzi full of women and one guy – the son I’m tasked with killing. I mill around for a little while and try to make an impression with the ladies. They don’t really pay much attention to me which I’m rather saddened by – contract killers hurt too you know. Since nothing is immediately happening I go for a wander inwards to the ‘grotto’ – a secluded area full of bedrooms for doing the dirty in. A woman is there getting frisky with some random guest. She looks over his shoulder, sees me, then wags her finger at me in a ‘come hither’ gesture. Who am I to argue with such a pretty lady? She walks into a bedroom so I follow, not yet unzipping my fly (there doesn’t seem to be a key for this, and if there is it’s not documented). As the door shuts behind me a little cutscene plays out where she walks around me saying something seductive like “men are so easy” while running her finger around my neck. The cutscene ends with her behind me, but with a knife in her hand. Oh noes! I’ve been tricked by a pesky assassin. She may have a knife, but I have guns. A couple of shots later and she’s down. I wish I could make some sexual pun right now, but alas, I don’t have the Bond wit needed for such an occasion.



Hitman - Blood Money: stupid woman tried to kill me



I start heading back outside and bump into The Son whom I have to kill. He has a girl in tow and I can only imagine they are off to do the dirty – he must have drank the cocktail I laced at the bar. As they walk past me I bump into his woman and we get a bit stuck. When she finally gets past me the target has a fair lead but the woman just casually walks behind – not really attempting to catch up. When she finally does catch up with him, he is already sitting on a bed inside one of the rooms and as soon as she walks in, he just leaves. Well, my plan of executing them both while they played around is down the pan. Fortunately, instead of going back to the party the target heads down a secluded stairwell. No doubt a guard will head through here at some point and see a body if there is one, but I either take this guy out now or wait for ages for another opportunity…I choose now. A long shot to the head takes him out no problem and I make a quick exit.



Hitman - Blood Money: put some clothes on



The next target, Heff himself, is a few floors up not taking part with the party. I have to get past some “staff only” areas which is going to be tricky in order to reach him. The best way is going to be getting a high level security guard outfit so I can go wherever un-noticed. I wander around for a while looking for a guard I can take out when I come across the security room. There is a single guard in there at the minute and the security tape that I need to get hold of because I was caught on CCTV earlier. Just before I go and take the guard out a door behind me opens – another guard appears through it then heads into the security room. I’ll have to wait for him to leave again before I can proceed but no bother. He eventually leaves so I sneak into the room and sedate the remaining guard. Thinking I had better hide the body before the other guard turns up I head over to a door opposite to the one I came through. Unfortunately it’s locked so I have to take the time to pick it. When the door opens I take a quick look inside to find it’s another stair well but it’s empty, and I assume because the door was locked that no one is going to patrol it. I go to grab the body when I see the second guard has just opened the security room door and is about to see his downed colleague.


It’s like a car crash in slow motion. I hurriedly hide in the stairwell, if this guy sees me i’m screwed. He notices the downed guard and goes to tend to him but, and rather fortunately, with his back to me. I creep in and sedate him, but a little too slowly as when I’m shoving the needle in, the first guard I downed gets up having been roused by his now sedated friend. Oh shit. I’m fucking dead. He’s going to turn around, see me shoving a needle in his mate, then blow the fuck out of me. Weirdly though, he doesn’t. He just wanders over and watched the cctv monitors. Maybe he’s a bit messed up because of all the drugs I shoved into him. Poor guy though – he should have stayed asleep; I’m out of sedative now so I have no option but to creep up and shove another needle into his neck, but unfortunately this one is full of deadly poison. Ok, two guards down and neither spotted me. I take the tape out of the surveillance machine, steal a uniform, then drag the two bodies into the stairwell. That’s the CCTV sorted and a mansion wide pass in the form of a uniform.



Hitman - Blood Money: you wanna stay down



The stairwell actually leads to where I need to be – the floor that Heff is on. I go up and look around. There is a photoshoot going on, in which, rather strangely, women dressed as santa are having pictures taken of them on a beech scene. Bizarre. Above all this is some heavy light rigging which I go and take a look at. I can attach a bomb to it which should hopefully drop the rigging on all the people below it, and if I time it right Heff when he comes to take a look at how the shoot is going. I stand around and watch the photoshoot while I wait for the porn baron to turn up. He eventually wanders through with a little yapping dog at his heel and as he stands under the rigging I head around the back of a screen out of sight. I blow the bomb and the rigging comes crashing down with an almighty and satisfying bang. Looking at the the resultant carnage as I come back from behind the screen I can see a few dead women and a dead dog…but no Heff. WTF?! How did a massive piece of rigging miss when he was right under it?! Note to self: next time you blow something up, make sure you have line of sight on it.



Hitman - Blood Money: photoshoot



I go looking for Heff and find him in a security office completely terrified and crying to a guard. Saying this mission has gone terribly wrong is more than an understatement at this point. I watch Heff run around for a while but he’s not getting out of sight of this guard. Well, only one thing for it then. I pull a silenced SMG from my jacket and mow them both down. They don’t get chance to fire a shot at me or shout before they go down, so as long as I’m quick I should be able to get out of here no problem. I head down the stairwell – past the two downed guards, and back into the lift. I jump back up the hatch, put my suit back on which is lying to the VIP guest I murdered at the start, then jump back down into the lift. The doors ping open to the pier where I make my exit. What a complete disaster of a mission. Six people were killed all in all and not in the most subtle way. I’m ranked as a hooligan. Oh dear. Best to write this mission off as a lesson in something and move on I think.



Hitman - Blood Money: heff is dead



Craig Lager
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