I’m a cleaner – Mission 5

Taking three little blackbirds out should be easy really – but when you start to factor in the birds having guns, guards and Mardi Gras to protect them, this may be a little more difficult. The birds are a bunch of assassins out on Mardi Gras as some senator will be out on parade – a senator they intend to kill. I need to stop that happening – my motivation is purely money. The assassins will take time in making sure their hit goes down perfectly so I don’t have to rush per-se. What I do need to do though is take out the Albino in the middle (pic below) first as he controls the communication between the three. The communication needs to go down otherwise when one of the Assassins learn they are being offed they will no doubt hit the senator straight away. As for killing these winged killers the facts I know are this: the albino is inside their guarded base, the other guy is holed up above a bar (there are a few bars though) with a sniper rifle and the woman is walking around on the streets scouting out. I’m taking my trusty silenced silverballer and my sniper-rifle-in-a-case with me.

I start in a bar. In front of me is a guy dressed as a red bird. Since all of the Assassins and their guards are dressed as birds I could probably use that uniform as a way in to the base but I’m going to ignore this – I would look ridiculous. Instead I just head out of the bar alone and look for the building which the Albino will be holed up in. I am immediately confronted by what could be the most severe problem of the mission: witnesses.

I find a building with a few bird guards standing around outside. This will be it then. On the top floor is a big open window which The Albino occasionally looks out of. As is the case with all things Hitman – he does this for a reason. It means I can either push him out of it or there might be a decent position where I can snipe him from…well I didn’t bring this rifle as a fashion accessory though it does look pretty good. Opposite the window is a gate into a little courtyard. It’s empty except for two guys minding there own business with a couple of beers and a piano precariously hanging from a winch. Hold on. What? A piano dangling? This is what cartoons are made of, and if someone important doesn’t stand under that piano I’ll be damned. I climb up some stuff looking for a spot overlooking The Albinos window. I end up next to the piano suspending winch. Well, I can rig it with a bomb, which is great for the future, but at no point here can I get a shot on the window. I place the bomb and look around when I spot a drainpipe leading up to another ledge. Now we’re talking, I have a straight shot on the window. It’s just a case of unpacking the rifle, crouching down, and waiting for the target.

The silenced shot flies straight into his forehead no problem. That’s the main guy officially down, and I know the scouting woman will end up under the piano so I’ll take her out next – I just need to find her. To do this my plan is a simple one; run around like a loonatic until I bump into her. It doesn’t take long and then like a perverted stalker I just follow her. I admire her curvaceous beak from the shadows, through the crowds and around the streets, always a few steps behind. After 5 minutes or so and a couple of panic stricken ‘shit I’ve lost her!!1!’ moments she is hilariously standing under the piano. Byes.

Ok, one guy left. I have no idea which one of the bars he is above, so I’m going to need to check them all. To make this more difficult, each bar is running a fancy dress night with a strictly ‘no fancy dress – no entry’ policy, and each bar is differently themed. This means I either have to sneak into each through the back somehow or disguise as staff or someone in costume. Since the sheer amount of people about I don’t fancy taking out a person for each bar so I’ll be going for the sneaking option.

I start with the rock bar; heading around the back and clambering up to a window. A sudden problem arises in the form of a waiter coming out for a cigarette break. He instantly sees me clambering where I shouldn’t be clambering and runs off. Fuck. I make a speedy climb down and a swift exit into the crowds before a ‘scene’ emerges. I’ll try another other bar first – the Latina bar. They have a back door that leads straight into the kitchen so I head in and hide from the chef until he has his back turned. After creeping past him to upstairs I look around and find it – no costumed sniper free. Dam and blast.

Next bar is the Blues bar. Their back door leads into some sort of cellar, which in turn needs into the main bar area. No one seems to care that I’m not in fancy dress so I just head through to the kitchen. A chef sees me and tells me to leave. This happens multiple times actually as I repeatedly try and get past him. He never gets any more angry or gets someone to throw me out, he just keeps shooing me off and going back to cooking – Gordon Ramsey this is not. Eventually I get past and go up a couple of stairs. On the top is a waiter and a woman having a bit of a kiss and a cuddle. Humph. I don’t want to kill them but I need to get past…maybe they are so into each other I could just slip by? No. They see me and chase me back through the kitchen, past the eagle eyed chef, and into the bar. This is irritating. The waiter heads into the bar (I must have spoiled the mood) and I’m left with sneaking past the chef again. I manage first time though and go straight upstairs. It’s empty. All that for nothing. Great.

I go back to the rock bar and attempt the window again. Eagerly watching out for a cigarette smoking waiter, I make it inside. The window is in a secluded bit of the bar so no one sees me enter, I just need to head to the back of the bar and into the toilets which inexplicably lead to the kitchen. Animals. The bars chef is standing in the toilets, seemingly just guarding the kitchen door. I can’t take him out as there is a cue for a toilet and killing everybody would be messy. I opt for waiting for him to do something. Eventually the chef walks off to check a fridge or something, so I slip into the kitchen. At the back of the kitchen are some stairs heading to the top floor. The sniper better be up here – I honestly don’t want to creep past any more cooks, chefs or waiters tonight. I have a peak through a keyhole and spot what is basically gold – a tell tale sniper rifle.

I creep through the door, go through the room in front of me ducking from cover to cover so I don’t get seen. I don’t know where this guy is but I know he’s here somewhere. I spot him looking out of a window. Pulling out my fibre wire I draw ever closer, then wrap it around his throat. It’s all over. I just need to make a quick escape. I wouldn’t mind taking his rifle with me, for collection purposes, but I don’t think the hundreds of people outside will take well to me walking around with it. On exiting it’s confirmed that there are no witnesses or anything. I’m ranked professional – should have been Silent Assassin but all that messing around breaking into bars and stalking the scout took ages. Ah well. Next!