When I came up with the idea of ‘Diary of a Freshfaced iPhone User’, it was simply genius. Not only would I be capturing one of gaming’s hot topics with my usual haphazard hits of the keyboard, I’d also be saving myself valuable thinking time, as hopefully the columns would just write themselves for me. It almost wasn’t the case though. Almost. Thanks to an incompetent mobile phone company who shall remain nameless (I almost linked to them with ‘incompetent mobile phone company’, but that seems a little too harsh of me, knowing what I do about SEO.)
So, I was screwed around for several days – sent ID for them, several times only for them to deny they’d got them, making a mockery of the prominent ‘next day delivery’ banner on their website. Quick tip if you find yourself in this situation – complain about the company on Twitter. Within 12 hours I had my own personal rep there to sort things out for me where emails and phone calls had failed. Or rather trying to sort things out for me – even the PR might of Ben couldn’t save my phone, and after one more “we haven’t got your ID yet” message and another “your phone is out of stock” email, I cut my losses and wished Ben all the best. Ideally at a company who could organise a piss-up in a brewery – or at least have a good time failing.
So I purchased my iPhone in a store near Victoria. I’m on this iPhone for the next two years, so in many ways my early musings are quite inconsequential (moreso). Nonetheless, I promised feedback on games so here’s my view so far of the demos and full games I’ve downloaded.
Super Monkey Ball
Since buying my Gamecube back in 2005, I’ve always had a soft spot for Super Monkey Ball. It’s a brilliant franchise, and Sega’s doing its best to ensure it gets the same treatment as its other remaining hot properties: a slow painful death via the law of diminishing returns.
Actually that’s a little unfair – I think this port’s actually pretty damned polished, once you get used to exactly where the iPhone accelerometer’s neutral position is. As a showcase for the iPhone to your friends, it’s disastrous though – without playing the tutorial, they’ll end up swerving all over the shop, like AiAi on too many vodka-banana smoothies and blame it on the iPhone. Me? I like it – though perhaps my inherent bias to the formula ‘monkeys + rolling balls = fun’ makes me the marketing equivalent of shooting the world’s biggest puffer fish in the world’s smallest barrel.
Shift Demo
Shift’s a great game, and this is a pretty decent port as well. The demo’s a fairly big chunk of the original flash game (which really needs to be played to be understood – give it a quick go now, you won’t regret it), and it’s the same innovative platformy-puzzly goodness that I enjoyed the first time I tried the game.
This port has the requisite brand new levels, and is only let down by an iffy control scheme, which requires you to hold down the direction you’re going in and for you to tap the other direction to jump. Which will be responsible for worldwide stickman genocide if the app becomes widespread, believe you me.
Civilization Revolution Demo
Brand new to the app store yesterday, I must confess I only had time to give this a few minutes but it looks a very polished version, and the touch controls work nicely. Was quite a fan of this on 360 (and of course the earlier PC versions), so it’s clearly only a matter of time before I fold and press the ‘buy now’ button in iTunes.
Amateur Surgeon
As I said in my last post, this is number one on my list of apps to buy, but actually this has probably been the biggest disappointment so far – the screen just doesn’t seem accurate enough to get the Trauma Style surgery results that I’d come to expect.
True, this might be down to a calibration issue or a personal slight on the size of my fingers (perfectly in proportion, if you must know), but so far this hasn’t been as great a fit as I’d imagined. I mean, it’s no more than I’d waste in a pub quiz machine, but there’s a lesson here: if there’s a demo version available, for God’s sake try that first.
The flash version still plays wonderfully though.
Bloons Demo
Finally, there’s Bloons. At only 59p, I think it’s fair to say this will be purchased as soon as I lose my limited remaining grasp on financial sensibilities. It’s just a very well made port of a very engaging flash game. Can’t say fairer than that.
There have been more I’ve tried, but if my plan to eek this out over several weeks is to come to fruition, I’ve got to leave some for next week. Suffice it to say, my early foray into iPhone gaming has left me impressed – not necessarily because of the quality, but simply the pricing. I’ve reviewed some pretty bad DS games in my time, and many of those cost up to 60 times as much as these. If the iPhone’s only impact on gaming history is to make people re-evaluate the high cost of each game, then it’ll be a legacy worth celebrating.
Oh, as a footnote to this – I managed to lock up my iPhone within 4 hours of switching it on for the first time. It needed a factory reset… suffice it to say, you don’t know the meaning of the phrase “buyer’s remorse” until you think you’ve broken a £300 product, having told the salesman you don’t need no stinking insurance not 3 hours previously.
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