Gerald the Lightsaber

Top o’the mornin’ to ye’ stranger. Do you wan’ a pot o’gold wi yer augmentations? Kiss the blarney stone before ye blow me ‘ed off.

This is exactly nearly what happened in Deus Ex. I was tasked with infiltrating a company in Hong Kong. I was given an access code to the door, and told I should be able to just walk in normally under the guise on an employee. I dutifully go in, and after milling around and wandering upstairs, I am confronted by someone called ‘Data Entry Worker’ (poor fellow) who assaulted my ears with the worst Irish accent I have ever heard.

I plod on anyway, venturing in to some areas I’m really not meant to. On the way I spot various guards and a few Super Guards…and even one ‘Look at me wrong and I’ll kill you, your family and your Nans dog’ guard. Eventually I notice my objective, which is just a short lift ride away. I go up, and do something I’m not supposed to. Nice and easy. So far, no one has seen me, and no alarms have gone off..I should just be able to walk out, nice and casual. I get back into the lift, and something bad happens. Alarm. Fuck. I’ve been rumbled. Apparently they don’t like you doing things you’re not supposed to.

So far through Deus Ex, I’ve been taking the quiet approach. Silenced pistols, sniper rifles. Sneaky sneaky. I take a quick look at my inventory to see what I have to get me out of this pickle, and notice something I have been neglecting…

A LightSaber! To be a more effective killing tool, my sword needs a name…Gerald. Gerald the lightsaber. Right, no more dicking around, me and Gerald mean business. I charge around the complex killing anyone who dare cross me and Geralds path. I even take out the ‘Look at me wrong and I’ll kill you, your family and your nans dog’ guard..though Gerald pussied out and forced me to snipe him from afar, well out of reach from my Nans dog.

I escape and return to the mighty setter of missions, who congratulates me. We have a bit of a natter, then he slips into the conversation, oh so casually, something like: “You know that place you just escaped from, where you killed loads of people and severely pissed everyone else off..go back and do some other shizzle in the more secure areas”

Great. Fan-bloody-tastic. He does tell me of a back door though, so once again, I sneaky sneaky through. This mission goes quite smoothly actually, with minimum carnage, and on the way I manage to get fully tooled up with body modifications, which before now I have been lacking in.

I return to base, am congratulated once agin, and am quite hurriedly shipped off to New York. Something about a conspiracy or something (I don’t want to give too much away to those of you who haven’t played it).

On arrival it seems all of New York is also pissed with me, but I sneak into a bar and chat to a guy who is going to set up a meeting for me. He willingly does, and asks me for a favor. Something like “you know that really annoying but innocent enough guy from earlier, he’s a baddy, feel free to kill him”. Well…who am I to object?

I go find him and coldly stare at him.

He stares back. Gerald, go!

It seems I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like him as in the cold grip of death, someone rushes to stamp on his sworded head. I sit and contemplate what I just did. I just killed this guy because someone told me to. I barely even talked to him about it, and now he’s dead, gone, ceasing to exist…to shift my blame and sudden self loathing, I look for a scapegoat.

“Gerald! How dare you kill that person!” I scream. There, now I feel better. It was all my lightsabers fault. Now I can continue with my quest. Onward!